The Trials of Iyale ọokàn

When some folks  in our estate decided to channel their inner aluta spirit rebelling against Nepotism, tyranny and oppression by IKEDC  I was so sure this won't end well.
Nepa on the other hand kuku returned the favor and removed the "fuse" from the transformer plunging the whole estate into darkness.
Now for some inexplicable reasons, folks thought I must have studied Conflict resolution and Management at the University, as I have become the "Go-to" mediator /negotiator between Nepa officers and the estate residents .

But little did they know that as an ogbologbo (seasoned) Doomsday Prepper I was boyscout -ready. I knew in my heart of heart that I didn't want to spend the whole summer stalking and begging Mr Clement from the Nepa office,so kiakia I packed my bags... Maputo yaa! (ain't nobody got time for that kind of sturv😉 ).

I sincerely wished the Mandela wannabes" aluta continua" knowing fully well by that by the time l returned in two months, "Victoria would have been ascerta". Now that is just one battle I seem to have won but there are many other trials I haven't been so victorious with.

I have been doing some soul searching lately and came up with the inference that some cryptic powers might be messing with the law of nature or how else do I explain  some recurring strange turn of events (too frequent to be mere coincidences)in my life .They are quite a number of them but today I will be focusing on the most challenging of the trials.

More like  my main grouse with the Universe, its role or its lack of role in the demise of my waistline.I have long concluded that it is surely a mystery how if I drank water lasan, I must surely pack on pounds. Although I'm gifted with this heightened olfactory senses, so strong that just a whiff from something edible and I can figure what it is from ingredients, to spices right down to its molecular structure but that still doesn't explain the rapid weight gain from just perceiving that sweet sweet aroma of puff puff from that woman at the junction.

Although I have ardent interest in food born out of hunger, most times gourmet and I really enjoy long romantic walks to and fro the fridge but I still strongly suspect some esoteric powers in play concerning the inevitable defeat of my middle section.
It's nothing short of "kayefi "trying to explain and process my addiction and devotion to carbohydrates: all manners of carbohydrates  simple, complex and radically occurring in rice,fufu,pounded/poundo yam and so on and so forth.

Even more recently, my spanks, girdles, waist cinchers (in short the whole armoury) are beginning to fail me, their power to defy gravity are slowly starting to wane.
Nobody should mention gym o because I have just recently found out that I'm allergic to the gym, I made this mind boggling discovery that I always come down with malaria anytime I hit the gym...( Usually like 2days after each visit).
You think quadratic equations is hard?  Try counting calories in your daily food ration.They will tell you eat plenty fruits but nobody will tell You if you eat avocado as three square meal the weight go just they rush you dey go.
I tried the garden salad diet one time and gave up on it when I was almost wheeled home in a stretcher.

This weight loosing business will make  you question everything you think you know in biology abi is it food and nutrition classes as you won't be able to draw a clear line between the classes of food. You keep pondering abi is cassava a fruit ? It messes up your mind as the line between plantain and banana becomes really blurry.
It makes you seriously question Maslow's hierarchy of needs, when you know food should be first on that list and not third.
Most days I tried to be guided and propelled by the principle "Na fat I fat I no kill person ".
It's just 9am and I'm already strung out... Overdosed on Ewa Agoyin and Agege bread.
 With all my strength gone....I'm done fighting this trial and constantly loosing.
 Abegi !"Que será, será", what shall be shall be.  🍕🍗🍢🍖🌮🥙🍤🥘🍦🥧🍹😋😋 .