Chronicles of Iyale ookan

Thankfully, the  soldiers  weren't  as  strict  with the early  morning drills .At  first when  the  bugle  calls  were  made , I feigned  illness and  after  a while  the  soldiers just  gave  up  on me. My  routine?  to  get  up by  9am, get  all  dolled  up  and  resume at  the  mammy  market (my  new  operational  headquarters ). As  a part  of  my  branding/PR plan ,I ensured I didn't take  meals from  the  camp's kitchen..... I figured  since  I looked  the  part  I had  to  act  the  part,thanks to  the  governor's  generosity  to  Corp  members .I had  enough  money  to  splatter  on  meals. But even  at  that , my  fan base  had  grown  in geometric  progression  that  I had  kind  gestures  bestowed  on  me  often. Photo credit :nyscblogspot. com At  this point, it  will  be imperative to  state  that  by  some  stroke  of  luck  I had  turned "Agbani" overnight . Everybody thought  I was strikingly  Beautiful ....(Emi  Ke?) Me  that  in U.I

Ninety-nine days  for  the  encoder , one  day  for  the  decoder. Someone  will  just  be  on her  own  trying  to  make  the  world  a better  place and  gist  will  just  come  and  locate  you  effortlessly. So I was  minding my  business jejely, throwing out  trash,when I noticed  a folded piece of  paper  around  the  trash can,  I picked  up  the  the  paper  and  opened  it.... involuntarily  I sucked  in  my  breath  and  my  jaw  dropped  to  the  floor.... Literally... Lo and  behold!!!!  It  was my  neighbor's  flight  itinerary  print -out of  her  "summer  trip  to  Dubai".The  real  bewilderment  was  that her  " summer  trip " wasn't  to  Dubai. The  real  destination??? Well..... I will  pass  on that  ( I am  too  ashamed  and  embarrassed  on  her  behalf  to  mention  the place) .To  think  she  even  brought  us  souvenirs  from  Dubai o, hmm... Mummy  Dara ..I  bow in Obeisance  .....she  puts  the  letter  "P" to  the  w

Though the  shopping  destinations  may differ,yet the  same exhilarating  feeling  resonates through out  each shopping experience . The  intense  craving, the  insatiable  quest  for acquiring /procuring and the  indescribable  bliss it brings after you  have  liberated those  merchandise  from  the  shackles of  the  stores. The  surge  of  excitement you feel  clutching   your  shopping  bags  in  your arms  and   more  shopping  bags  in tow, makes  you stand so  tall with  your  head  almost  touching sky.  The  intimate, almost  sensual  yet  liberating experience retail  therapy  provides . The  anticipation and the  build-up that  keeps you  up  at  night  when  the   urge  to  get those shoes  makes  you  quiver  with  lust. The  unbridled  passion, the  wantoness of spending  your  money and swiping  your  cards.The  unfathomable  joy you  get  when  the  sales person  hands you  the  items. In  those  moments, where  all  the  worries  and  troubles melt  away....

  I can  hear  the  rhythm again.... The  slow rhythmic melody almost hypnotic like  the  Piper belting out  tunes so wanton... so  bewitching ...causing my  resolute  to  slowly  ebb  away and in my  head I moved  to  the sound with  snake - like  precision, slithering from side  to  side .         THEN!  all  of  a sudden!! The  tempo quickened.... Pulsating, palpitating almost like  War-chant and in  my  head  still,  I made  movements like  a Roman warrior ,the forth and  back movements of  Abija in  the  Arelu series.... Prancing  as swift as  a cheetah  yet as  elegant as  a gazelle. The sudden  halt  of  the car snapped  me  out  of  the  trance. This  is Balogun  market in  Lagos  island, my second visit  this  week yet the  rhythm keeps luring me  back to  this place, propelling me to  indulge myself. Hello  people, I'm  iyale  Onkan and  I'm a shopaholic ....well not entirely Compulsive Buying Disorder  but  I need  occasional(more like regular) fix of retail 

Reminisce :A time to  remind us of the path we have walked... A reminder  of  the journey  ahead..... The  various  heights  to  conquer. Watching the  premiere of the  2nd season of  the series, Sons of  the  Caliphate last Night on  Ebony live TV opened flood  of  memories; my  mandatory one year NYSC  service  in  Sokoto. It made me  recall the  royal grandeur, grace and  glory of  the  Sokoto  caliphate. The rich  cultural milieu, the  sights and  sounds of the  state, the  warm, generous ,generally amazing  people and  other things  that  made  Sokoto a cultural jewel of  the Savannah. Not forgetting  the  era   that  marked  the  beginning of a change  in  my narrative  ..... A place  where my luck turned  around. My  NYSC posting  came  at  a time when  every thing  that  could  go  wrong  in  my  life  went wrong, my  family ran into  bouts of  ill  luck and  when  I thought  it  couldn't get any  worse..... I got  posted to  Sokoto(Sokoto bawo?). I didn't e

I can't  believe  I just  uncovered ROK  TV 's  conspiracy!!! Has  anybody else   noticed  how  this station air  these  really  cool  movies  only  at  wee  hours of  the morning? Anyway,  that is  not even up  for  discussion  today. Today, I would like  to give  my opinion on this  really  great  movie I watched on  the  station.  UNFINISHED  BUSINESS. Folks,this is NOT a movie  review.Let's just  say, It's my  2cents on  a damn  good  movie..... Bearing  in  mind  that  my  judgement  might  be  slightly impaired  after a couple  of  swigs  from  the  cider  can ,A dog  may look  like  a lion  in  my  eyes  . The   movie ,Unfinished  Business  was  directed  by Remi ibinola, while Yvonne  jegede and  Ray Emodi led the    ensemble  cast  while Tina  Mba and Judith  Audu played  supporting  roles. The flick is an intense , dark, heart - warming story  about  love  and  Reincarnation.  Unfinished  business is  not  your  typical  love  story  but  a story  a

Sometimes we just  have  to be  careful  of what  we wish for. Flash back some 20years  ago I desperately wanted  to be"fat" to escape  verbal  onslaught  of random people  who  will  shout "lepa","frying pan ",toothpick " amongst other names anytime  I venture  out  on  the  street. So I intensified  and  horned  my  praying, eating and devouring  skills, hoping  the  heavens  will  smile on  me so  that  I can at  least  fill  out. I was almost stick thin save for the  fact  that  I was sorta ....kinda busty, but my  rear side  was as  flat  as a frying  pan. Forget  the butt and Hip pad  pant, I had been  creating  my  own  invention,even Einstein would have been   jealous  of  my genius  streaks. Somehow years later, the  gods finally  pitied  me and  in my 300level  I began  to  fill out.... Forget fill out... I became  FAT. God!  I was  ecstatic ! l tripled  in size  I had  chubby cheeks, Christian Mother  jowls, bulging stomach, my  bosom t

Somehow, I always find myself in between jobs (hmmmm... story for another day), so I decided to look inward while waiting for the next gig, and Gbam!! , I realised that my flair and instincts for information gathering/gist attraction, processing and dissemination is unparalleled. Hello people! I'm IYALE OONKAN. I gather, process, and distribute information in my neighbourhood, going beyond the basic facts of events. I also provide a contextual analysis and sometimes I even provide forecasts. No matter the corner, the gist will always locate me effortlessly. As a child, my dream was to work as a correspondent with CNN. Fast forward to the present day and though I'm not yet that global, I am working on it. My Adugbo(neighbourhood) is a stepping stone . As a principal member of the real housewives of my area, my gist forensic game is so tight that I know I will be an asset to the DSS one day. So, folks, let's journey through my struggles, my neighbours' agitations, t